I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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