WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
