Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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