be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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