It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
