omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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