he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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