i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In America we eat man semen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So much rum. So many feels.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
