Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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