My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
