Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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