I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
