Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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