Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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