if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
