Someone shit on the floor
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
