WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
