a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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