At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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