if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
