I'm drive I can fine osifer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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