discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
