So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
