I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
