i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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