You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
