after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm really busy with my period
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