There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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