I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
