take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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