just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Randomize
