he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
