I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
