he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize