How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize