i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
