You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
