i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think a kid would responsible me up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
