thus making me awesome and them whores
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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