I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize