giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize