I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
