I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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