Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
