I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize