I am puke
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
