I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
