Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
