To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
