drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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