remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
