He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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