I accidentally had phone sex last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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