Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize