Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
