my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
