I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I AM VODKA MAN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
