i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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