at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
