my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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