The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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