I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
