I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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