I accidentally burped into my bong.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
