i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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