Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
