South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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