ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
